I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
