A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
