Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize