We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
