I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
