Sry I called you an 8
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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