I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
