sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
