My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
