Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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