she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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