I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
