Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize