I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
