i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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