I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
high people should be assigned attendants
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
