I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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