considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
