If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
