Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
