I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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