looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The air taste purple.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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