I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
