bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
