i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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