If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
