and you said cock pushups were impossible
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
