In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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