ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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