My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
