your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize