If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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