did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
