I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
