I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
