I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize