Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
