everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
