I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i barfeds in our rink
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
