I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
