Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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