You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
