This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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