all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
