I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
