You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
