His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
