im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
