The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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