She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
