About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
