Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Blood and glitter go together right?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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