you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
