I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
