there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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