Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
