it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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