Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
