Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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