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For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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