I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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