he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
