he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
