11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
