i barfeds in our rink
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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