Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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