you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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