Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize