Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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