On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
