I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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