The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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