life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
this hospital has no fireball
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize