Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think a kid would responsible me up
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Randomize
