Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
