Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
