Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
They took my balls.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Oh god it's open bar.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize