your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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