I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
