tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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