can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
