Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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