Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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