Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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