I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
