Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
